Monday, 7 January 2013

Adjustment and acceptance



Life is full of adjustments. This is the most common dictum of life. There is nothing in it that is unacceptable. No harm in following it.

But there is a better dictum. Let us make our life happy with ‘acceptance’.

A life of adjustment is simply going along with an unhappy mind. It is a pretension of ‘everything is well’. It is doing what we do not like. It is striving hard to avoid discomfort. It is suffering with a smile. It is philosophizing about misfortune. It is a pretension of satisfaction.

If there is no other option, adjustment is the best.
But there is another option – Acceptance.
Acceptance is not a way out. It is an option to live better.

I am living in India. I have been to USA and Bahrain.  I have read about other developed countries. I have obtained satisfactory information about other nations in the world.

I know that India is not a developed nation. This is a democratic nation where people are killed because of their political affiliation. Political election is a hard time in India. Women are respected by tradition but laws are still under discussion. (2013 January). The Government and the public fail to observe even traffic rules. Corruption is the curse of the nation. There are many negative aspects. But my country is great with its tradition, values, family system, social relationships, religious tolerance, respect and care for elders, love for humanity, sages, philosophy, honour for religious leaders, patriotism, democracy etc. I believe that every nation has a positive side as well as a negative side.

I am born in India, brought up in this country and live in this nation with its negative and positive influences.
This is the country where I am placed to live.
This is the given circumstance where I am placed to live, dream, frustrate and finally become success.
It is not practicable to go out of this nation and become success in another nation, for everyone.
Some noble men and women have gone out of this nation, due to certain circumstance and have built a successful life in some other country. But that is not the general rule. This is not the way I have to seek for success.

I am personally feeling discomfort with the indiscipline of Indians in public life. I used to get angry with the non-observance of traffic rules. etc.
But I am aware that this is the given circumstance for me to live.

What shall I do with all my discomforts and complains about my country?
Adjust with them all. This will be the answer I may get from most of the people. But adjustment has all the above said negative aspects.
Is there a better way to live with all these?

Adjustment is fine with strangers and temporary circumstances.
We do not have to communicate, live, share (our life, dream, vision etc.) with strangers and temporary circumstances.
Adjustment is the best policy while you travel in a public conveyance, in a shopping mall, tourist centers and the like. Not in a lifelong relationship.

In a lifelong relationship, adjustment is not a happy formula.
In sustainable relationships like family, adjustment is painful and there is every chance for a break.
In our work place, if we are not committed, adjustment is a good advice, but if we are for a committed relationship with it, adjustment may not render real happiness.

Many are practicing adjustment in family life. Adjustment seems to be the only necessary policy in relationships in work place. But the fruit of this tree is not real happiness.

Here, let us consider another psychological condition: acceptance.

It is accepting a circumstance as it is. It is accepting a personality with all its goodness and weakness. It is not trying to forget the weakness. It is accepting the weakness. It is not being proud of goodness; it is accepting it.
It is accepting the circumstance or person as the situation where we are placed, to live, dream and become success.

Thus India is my country with all its merits and weakness. I am placed here. This is the given circumstance where I am to live to success.

Accept your country.
Accept your spouse, children, siblings, parents ….
Accept your colleagues.
Accept your employer and employee.

Practice acceptance where ever you need to build a sustainable relationship.

Professor Jacob Abraham

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